Sunday, January 27, 2013

11 Years Ago & Now

January 27 always makes me feel a bit melancholy. Exactly 11 years ago I got the call that letting me know that my dad has passed away. My mom said I screamed. I don't remember that. The whole day, the whole week was a bit blurry for me. I remember making the call to find flight home right away, in a daze taking the 24 hour flight home, seeing my mom and my brothers.

I remember the ache in my heart for not being able to say goodbye (my dad passed away from heart attack). However, I also remember lots of love. I remember when I first arrived my brothers following me around to the point I was asking them why they're following me and my little brother said in case you fainted we're here to catch you.

This is why I love my brothers. No, we don't talk to each other every week, heck sometime we don't talk for months. If anything I talk to my SIL more. But, I know without a doubt they'll always be there for me.

That night after I arrived we all piled in my mom's room and I laid on the bed. I couldn't open my eyes because I was so tired and drained, yet I remember smiling along with everyone when I heard about something funny that my dad did or said. I felt sadness and love at the same time as we celebrated my dad's life.

Some moments just stuck more in my mind. My grandma holding back tears when she was saying goodbye to her son. Me cracking up because I was too short and can't reach to kiss my dad's forehead to say goodbye and my brother had to pick me  up and gave me a boost. His old friends telling stories about stuff they did together.The amount of people coming to pay their respect. Our whole front yard filled with flowers from so many people.

How strong my older brother Jeff and his wife, Gina. As we're on our way to my dad cremation, my brother got the call that his house been flooded. That was a year filled with so many tears. I could do something and then just suddenly burst into tears. Took me a whole year before I was finally at peace with my dad being gone.

Some rambling thoughts that cross my mind as I  think back of that time 11 years ago and what I learned from my dad's passing:
1. Family is everything.
2. You don't have to be a perfect person to make an impact to someone else life.
3. You will make lots of mistake in your life. You're only human.
4. Being able to forgive someone's else mistake is important for your own sake not theirs.
5. Fun fact about my dad: he was the first Indonesian to win gold medal in wrestling in international competition. (I told you  this rambling thoughts).
6. That tradition is precious. I learned so much of my Chinese culture & tradition and I treasure the fact that I get to experience it despite the sad occasion.
7. Always end phone conversation with your loved ones with "I love you."
8. No matter how long time passed, you will always miss your loved ones.

I still miss my dad. At my wedding I missed him. At my brother's wedding. When my niece was born. When I am finally doing good in life. I missed him and I hope he's looking down from up there and I hope he's proud of me and know that I never forget him. Rest in peace dad. xx

7 comments:

Shelly said...

You bought me to tears...your story is very touching and loving. I'm sure your dad is looking down on you and very, very proud of you! :) I love your 'rambling thoughts'.

Pat said...

We weren't created to experience death...and you're right--you never forget a loved one...May you remember the happy moments today and may they make you smile...

Lisa's Creative Niche said...

What a beautiful share today... thank you for sharing this with us. I am more than certain that he is so very proud of you and your whole family... that's what Dad's are really good at being proud, no matter where they are and no matter what you think you've done wrong... Big hugs to you!
Lisa

Lalo said...

BEAUTIFUL post today Vera. Thanks for sharing something so personal. LOVE the 8 things learned and totally agree and feel the same way ... well number five doesn't really have anything to do with me but what an awesome honor for your family :)

~amy~ said...

Vera, thanks so much for sharing...Such a great tribute to your Dad.

terisplace said...

Sending you all the love and hugs in the world.

Chitra Nair said...

Such a great tribute to your dad.. I am sure your dad is looking down on you and your family and he will always be there to protect you all... Big hugs to you!

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