Sunday, October 27, 2013

My Dear Ollie



Yesterday, I had to make one of the hardest decision I ever have to make. We said goodbye to our pug, Ollie. To many people, a dog is just a dog. That's definitely not the case in our family. In our family, our dogs are our kids. So, to have to make that decision of life and death was painful.

I had Ollie since she was only 8 weeks old. She was my very first puppy that truly belong just to me. I grew up always having dogs, but Ollie was the first that I got to choose and really mine. She taught me how to be a mom, to be responsible for another being. I remember preparing myself and learned about pugs as much as I could before I decided to get her.

She was feisty and bossy. But, she is such a loyal companion. Besides my family, she's the only being that never let me down. Always there for me trough the good and the bad. When I went through the lowest point in my life and feeling all alone, she was there. She's the reason I got up in the morning. When I thought of giving up and move back to Indonesia, she's my reason to stay, because I wouldn't want to leave her behind. If I hadn't stay, I wouldn't have met hubby.

When I met hubby, he had 2 dogs, Hank, a yellow lab & Nick, a sheltie. And, everything just clicked. Hubby loves Ollie like his own. I mean, he truly loves Ollie with all his heart. And, Nick, who was a rescue never wanted to play with other dog, met Ollie, and he was prancing asking Ollie to play that even hubby was astonished.

Nick & Ollie - spring 2009

Ollie shared my life for over 15 years. She was my brave, strong girl. Even when she was hurt, she didn't whine. I had all kind of funny stories about her. One of my favorite, was this one time when I was in my craft room and hubby was in his man cave and next thing we knew, we heard this noise... clunk, clunk, boink. We're both like what the heck is that? And, next thing we know here comes Ollie:


Busted!!!

Yep, caught red handed.  She was checking through the trash can and somehow got the lid on her and she was walking out of our bathroom with that lid. Her antiques like this always made me laugh. 

I always think pugs are the cutest and I always said Ollie was so photogenic. I am her mom, so I can say that. :) For Halloween in 2010, I got her this costume because I thought it matched her personality. This li'l red devil costume was totally perfect for our sweet trouble maker.



She loves the sun. On sunny days, she likes to go outside and lay on the grass sunbathing. Like this. She looked so happy, didn't she? I just love this pic.



This past year, she lost weight drastically. On her healthiest time she was 25 pounds. By the time we had to let her go, she only weighed 12.8 pounds. She had arthritis that causing her to loose strength on her back legs. There's time where it  just broke my heart when she just suddenly slip as she walks. She was going through cognitive issue (like Alzheimer in human), chronic arthritis and about three weeks ago we found out that she also had gal bladder. Between the two weeks period of visits to the vet, she lost another pound. 

The vet gave her 2 kinds of pain medicine and he also prepared us that it may be kinder to let her go as just looking at her posture and the way she walked he could see that she was in pain.

On Friday morning, when we did our usual 3a.m cleaning routine, I saw her slipped, pooped (she no longer can control her bowel movement, her nerves causing her to loose sense), and struggling to get up. I had to help her to stand up.  That scene really broke my heart. It pained me to see her like that. It's also been over a year where she couldn't go up and down the stairs. We always have to carry her.

We decided to call Last Wishes In-Home Hospice & Euthanasia. For second opinion and also, we decided that if it's time for Ollie to go, we want her to be comfortable, at her home, with us her family around her. Dr. Cornelius helped us with our decision. She was compassionate and she helped me in making the decision.

Hubby left the decision completely in my hand, because she's mine to start with. I went back and forth, yes and then change my mind again. How do you decide that's it's time to let your love one go??? It's when the vet said that if I want to delay I should take no longer than a week as so not to let her continue to be in pain that with heavy heart I decided to do it. It'll be different if she said she still has six months or a year to have decent life.

Dr. Cornelius was so gentle with her. When we decided to go ahead with our decision, a band start playing on the park behind our house and the words that stick in my mind was take a piece of my heart with you. Yes, she took a piece of my heart with her.

We went outside as Ollie loved the sun. I cradled her in my arms. We sat in front of the flower bed where we buried Hank & Nick. We have this Buddha statue there and the whole scene was just peaceful. The weather was gorgeous, the sun was shining brightly. Dr. Cornelius sedated her first. And during that 8 minutes, I kept whispering to Ollie of how much I love her, how she's my first kid, for her to wait for us on the other side. I told her that I pray Hank & Nick are meeting her at the rainbow bridge and they all can play together now. Running free, no pain.

I just keep repeating  myself that I love her, for her to forgive me for all my mistakes, that I will never ever forget her. I kissed her repeatedly. Hubby kissed her repeatedly. Once she's sedated, Dr. Cornelius gave her the final injection. I kept touching her. Looking at her. I want to memorize every single piece of her. I physically felt as if someone took my breath away.

I know it's the humane thing to do, the kind thing to do. But, saying goodbye to your baby is heartbreaking. I am heart broken. Yes, I know time will heal the pain. Right now, I just want the world to know how much I love this fur ball that gave me so much love. Right now, I am mourning the loss of my spunky girl. 




Rest in peace my baby girl. Know you are loved always. You will always have a special spot in our heart. I love you. Your daddy loves you. Your daddy always say you're daddy's girl. You are ours and we are yours.

34 comments:

Anita Rex said...

Oh Vera I am so sorry. Ollie really sounds like a fun dog to have had! I think you did the right thing. Sending you hugs during this time. :)

Shelly said...

Oh, Vera.....so sorry for your loss. You did the right thing and I'm sure she's looking down on you. Hang in there.....lots of hugs.

Yvette said...

Oh Vera, so sorry for your loss. Such unfortunate news but she has had a wonderful life with you.
I know how you feel right now because I had to make the same decision july last year: http://letsmakesomemagic-yvette.blogspot.be/2012/07/lexi.html
It's a hard decision to make, but you did the right thing.
Lots of hugs.
Yvette

pcm said...

i was teary reading that. sending you hugs...

Taheerah (*LittleMissT*) said...

I am so so sorry for your loss Vera. I had tears running down my face as I read your touching tribute to your baby girl. So much of what you said echoed my final moments with my Leo and the heartbreak that I faced saying goodbye to him. Ollie goes on to a better place now knowing that you always did everything for her in love and she will always love you just as much in return. Stay strong my friend. Hugs.

Indy said...

Vera, my heart was breaking as I read about your beloved Ollie. This is the hardest part about being a guardian of a fur baby. I put my 18 year old black cat down nearly 3 years ago, and even though I now have a new kitty who I absolutely adore, not a day goes by without me thinking of Peevey. My thoughts are with you! May you always remember and share your beautiful stories about Ollie!
Hugs,
Debbie

Dwita said...

Dear Vera, I was in tears reading your post. May Ollie rest in peace. I love dogs but I don't have one. I could feel your pain losing Ollie.
Big hugs,
Dwita

chillin with Quillin said...

so sorry for your loss, you did right by not letting her suffer any more, I know how you feel . sending hugs your way !!!!
Paula

Heather said...

Oh Vera, your post brought me to tears. I've grown up with pugs (Henrietta, Garbanzo Bean, Annabelle, and Scooter) and have two of my own (Bellarina and Lulu) now. I completely understand what you are going through as pugs are just the sweetest companions. Ollie is on the other side of the rainbow pain free now and smiling, because pugs really do smile. May the happy memories of Ollie fill the hole in your heart. Big Hugs!

Barb said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sweet Ollie, Vera - brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult thing to go through. Sending you lots and lots of hugs! ♥♥♥

Lynnette said...

Dear sweet Vera, I am so sorry for your loss. I've had to say good bye to two of my fur babies (both dogs) in the last year and a half. I could completely feel your emotions. It's so hard, but the way they bless us is so worth it. Treasure those memories.

Ashley M said...

Ollie was SO lucky to have you. What a beautiful post and wonderful memories. My heart is breaking for you.

Trinh said...

My heart is breaking for you, Vera! I know how much you love all of your babies, but most especially Ollie. Sending you lots of hugs; wish I could be there to give you real ones. Hang in there, my friend.

June K said...

Vera, I am so sorry to hear of Ollie. Your tribute to Ollie is beautiful. Sending you hugs.

Rachel W K said...

Oh my gosh, vera this is so so sad to read. I am so sorry about sweet Ollie, your sweet girl. It's so hard to see our little animals in pain and struggling. Thank you for sharing your sweet photos of Ollie, I love the one of her busted in the trash can :). Hoping for peace for you both
-Rachel w k
rwkrafts.com

Susan F. said...

Vera honey,I think we are all crying tears with you. My heart goes out to you and your hubby for this loss. You have written a beautiful tribute for Ollie. You gave her a wonderful life filled with love. Hugs and prayers as you take time to heal your broken hearts.

denali said...

Oh, dear, I'm so sorry for your loss! I've done this three times now with my elderly cats. I had them all their whole lives and it was rough to let them go, especially the last one. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, it was so incredibly difficult. It's their one fault, you know - not living long enough. 20 and a half years for my last one and it's just never enough. Sending you {HUGS}

debby4000 said...

Sending hugs.
luv
Debby

Dotty Jo said...

My heart goes out to you Vera, Jo x

Vicki Dutcher said...

What a beautiful tribute to your 4 legged baby! Rips your heart out, but she is in dog heaven running and playing with all the other kids~ She knew she was loved!! :)

~amy~ said...

♥♥thinking of you♥♥

Julia S. said...

Beautiful tribute to Ollie, Ling! You're so lucky to have met and be there in each other's life for 15+ years. Hugs to you and JJ. Wish I was there for you :(

Andrea6760 said...

Vera, What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl Ollie. My heart is aching for you and wish I could help you with the grief that you feel. Please know I am here for you day or night. Do not hesitate if you need me. Please give Eli and Abby some extra love today and know that Ollie will be waiting for you someday. She might even be wearing the garbage can lid to make you laugh! *Love and Hugs* Andrea

Jaclyn Miller said...

What a beautiful tribute. You've done Ollie right by writing this. It was heartbreaking for me to read because I can relate to just how much our pets become like our kids. I'm so sorry that you lost your friend, but Ollie is definitely living it up and sunbathing in heaven!

whoistracy said...

Vera, I'm so so sorry about Ollie. This brought tears to my eyes and I'm over here heartbroken for you. My brother rescued two pugs that I love and can't imagine life without them. I hope you find peace.

Jocelyn said...

I am so sorry Vera that you had to say good-bye to your beautiful girl Ollie. You made the right decision though it feels so hard. I hope you soon find comfort in your cherished memories of her.

Arlene said...

This is a perfect memorial to your baby, your sweet Ollie. I can see she was loved. Your words create pictures that are endearing and emotional.

My heart is with you.

Jen W. said...

Vera, my heart was breaking as I read your post. I am so so sorry for the loss of Ollie. Clearly she was an amazing girl and you had a special bond. I know it was an awful decision to have to make but I think in the end it's the last gift we can give to our babies. My thoughts are with you and I'm sending big hugs.

Jennifer Jackson said...

I am so so sorry to read about your loss. My thoughts are with you - I feel so badly for you going through this. Our pets are our family as well and I know how you feel about your Ollie. As my older cat is showing signs of age I am trying to spend as much time with him as I can and spoil him! I am sure Ollie knew how loved he was.

Linda McClain said...

Sweet Vera, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like Ollie was an amazing dog and you were an wonderful, loving Mom to her. I'm sure Ollie knew how much you loved him.

maria f. said...

Oh Vera, just popped in to see if you are having a card drive again this holiday season and I see this sad news. Hang in there. Only time will help.

Mary-Anne V said...

So sorry to hear about Ollie. Your love is so evident and she was one lucky dog. Hoping your days get better knowing she is in a better place.

Loly Borda-Towery said...

So sorry for your loss, crying with you reading this post. Big hugs!

Michelle said...

Vera, I only just saw this news, and I wanted to let you know that my heart broke too, reading your beautiful tribute to your sweet Ollie. It is hard letting go. You were brave to make the decision you did. RIP Ollie.

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