Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I Love You So Much Dad

In my life, I've been lucky to meet several amazing, special people. The most special one is my foster dad. He was my uncle and my mom's close friend and I called him Dad Agung. He was a very spiritual person and I consider him as my spiritual guide. He guided me during difficult time and he was my sounding board, my pillar of strength, my guardian angel.

He met my real dad right before my real dad passed away, which for me was so symbolic. It's like a passing from one dad to another. He stepped in, comforted me, and when I asked him if it's okay for me to call him dad he immediately said yes. And he really was being an amazing dad to me in every way.

I leaned on him so much. He helped me to better myself spiritually, he helped me became a better person. He has such a gentle, kind, loving soul and spirit. He helped so many people and he was so loved. By his students, by his peers, by the people he helped.

Today, March 15, 2001 4.45pm Houston time (March 16, 201 4.45am Indonesia time), my dad passed away and started his journey to the other side. On Sunday, he got stroke and was admitted to ICU. This morning, Houston time, I talked to my mom and she was letting me know there's nothing else they could do as he's body started to shut down.  I went home right away and took the day off.

I love his smile.

My dad and me.

I cried, I prayed, and through my prayers, I let him know that as much as I am not ready to let him go, if it is his time I told him it's okay for him to leave and I pray that he could feel how much I LOVE HIM.

As much as my heart is breaking, I told God that I leave it up to Him, for His will to happen. I am thankful that I got to see my dad and spent some time with him when I was in Jakarta for Christmas. You know,  when I was planning my trip, I was worried about our finance and if I should go home or not. And, I told my mom, my heart was telling me if I didn't go home, I may regret it.

And, I am so thankful that God guided me to trust my heart and I went home. My time with him was priceless. I will cherish my time that I spent with him forever. We got to hang out, I will always remember how his eyes got so big when he ordered the cheesecake, how he joke around, how he always kiss me on my forehead when we say goodbye, how he helped us surprising my mom on her birthday. My only regret was that we didn't get to see movie together. He wanted to see Narnia and so was I, but due to one thing after another, we didn't get to do that.

Just two days ago, I saw Cath's post that has this beautiful poem. As I read this, I pray that God gives me strength and help heal my heart.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

 Kindred spirits.
My heart also goes out to his wife, my foster mom, who loves him so much. My heart breaks just as much for her loss. We all trying to accept that he is in better place now. I write this to honor him, to help me in my grief.

One thing I learn from him is to always trust in God. No matter what. I might not understand why he's being taken from us so early, all I know God has plan for him. For each of us.

Dad, I love you so much. So grateful for all your love, support, and guidance. You're among all the angels now and as much as I grief for my loss, I pray that you rest in peace. May your journey home be smooth and I send all my love for you. I will miss you so dearly. Love, love, love you so much. With all my heart. Thank you for blessing my life, for enriching my life with your presence. Love you always, your daughter.


Kelly said...

I lost my dad in 2005 unexpectedly. My heart goes out to you. I know the pain, but God will fill your heart with so many beautiful memories...my condolences to you and your family.

Jinny Newlin said...

Vera! I'm so, so sorry! I cannot even begin to imagine your pain. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Sending you HUGE hugs from Kansas City!

Cassie_lu said...

I will continue to pray for you and your family.

kurlygirl said...

Ling, my heart just breaks for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my prayers.


Jana said...

I am so very sorry for your loss Vera. I will continue to pray for you and your family

Tiffany said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this Vera! My heart goes out to you and your family! Sending you lots of hugs right now!!

Barb said...

Oh, Vera. . .I'm so sorry! You've written such beautiful words about your dad. . .a wonderful tribute to him. He sounded like a very special man. I know how difficult it must be, not being there with your mom but I am so glad you were able to see them both at Christmas. Know that you are in my prayers and I'm sending you lots of love and hugs!

Andrea6760 said...

Oh Vera, I am so very sorry to hear that your Dad passed away. Your post is so beautiful and a wonderful tribute to your Dad. My Dad passed away 11 years ago and I do understand exactly how you feel. You describe your Dad as I would describe how my Dad was and that is a very special thing. We are so blessed that we had such wonderful Dads in our lives.

I remember reading about your trip home at Christmas and feel honored that you shared so much of your trip and family time with us. You have a very loving family and I will keep all of you in my prayers to give you strength at this time.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family and I am sending *Hugs* from a friend who you have not met, but understands what you are going through.

*Love and Hugs*

Miss Reith Jerevinan said...

I'm so sorry to hear that... I send you virtual hugs. I pray for the strength for you and your family. GBU

Julie M said...

Oh Vera, I'm so sorry to read this sad news. And I'm so, so glad you got to see him and spend time with him at Christmastime.

Hugs to you and your family.

Julie x

Eisbärin said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Ling!! I am very lucky to still have both my parents but feel for you so much! Huge hugs to you and your family!

debby4000 said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about you Dad's passing.
Sending you loads of hugs.

Saskia said...


So sorry to read about your loss...
Keep the sweet memories to go on...

Greetings, Saskia

AGohl said...

Vera, I'm so sorry for your loss! He sounds like a wonderful man.

Jay Gee said...

My condolences to you and your family Vera. Sending hugs.

Monika/Buzsy said...

Sorry for your loss! You and your family are in my thoughts.

~amy~ said...

Oh Vera...I gotta tell you, your post is an absolutely heartfelt tribute to your Dad..my eyes are filled with tears..hang in there girl...I'm thinking of you....

Laurel said...

Oh Vera, this post, this tribute to your Dad has my eyes filled with tears.. I will pray for you. For peace and comfort. HUGE prayers and hugs coming your way.... If there is anything I can do, please let me know...

Monica said...

Hi Vera, that was so touching... it brought tears to my eyes... I hope you are stronger with every passing moment. You are so lucky that someone so kind and wonderful touched your life. So glad that you came home for Christmas and got to spend time with this blessed soul. I am sure he is among the angels...

xxx Monica

Karen said...

So sorry for your loss

judy said...

Vera, I am so sorry for your loss! The loss of a
father is very profound. Let the memory of him
always be a blessing to you.

Isha said...

Vera, so sorry for your loss...thinking about you. Lovely tribute to your Dad...I am sure he is looking after you from his new place.

Alice Wertz said...

i am so sorry for your loss, Vera. you beautiful post brings me to tears. it must be hard that you live so far away. wonderful tribute to your foster father, he is so lucky to have you, too. sending you big big hugs, my friend.

Karen said...

Vera I'm so very sorry for your loss. I want to pass on something to you that my Grandad (he brought me up and was as close as any father) passed on to me not long before he went on to his other life.
He told me that whenever the sun shines down it's rays through a cloudy sky, it's him reminding me that he's there, always at my shoulder guiding me as he did in life.

I have kept that with me over the years, and I hope too that you can keep your fond memories of your father to keep you smiling over the coming months. The best part of him is still with you honey, both in your heart and in your fond memories that you all shared & helped to create.
Hugs n warm wishes for you.xx

Deirdre said...

Vera, so sorry to read this - so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. Sending you hugs. Thank you for sharing your wonderful memories and photos with us, hopefully it is helping you. Hugs, Deirdre


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